“Today on the South Lawn of the White House, President Biden pardoned two turkeys from Minnesota named Peach and Blossom. Those aren’t turkey names. Peach and Blossom sound like the special guests at a bachelor party.” — JIMMY FALLON

“President Biden today presided over the annual White House turkey pardon. Well, he didn’t exactly pardon them, he just turned the investigation over to Merrick Garland, and then it just kind of petered out.” — SETH MEYERS

“It’s kind of miraculous that these turkeys were able to get pardons without Ryan Murphy even doing a show about them on Netflix.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“That’s right, President Biden presided over the annual White House turkey pardon and granted clemency to Peach, Blossom and, before anyone noticed, Hunter.” — SETH MEYERS

“Yep, Biden promised that the turkeys would not get killed this November. Democrats were like, ‘Hey, that’s what you said to us.’” — JIMMY FALLON

“I hope everyone enjoyed the pardoning, because next year, under Trump, those turkeys will be Matt Gaetz and Rudy Giuliani.” — JIMMY FALLON