Opinion | Songs and dance moves from Trump’s weird rally, reviewed
Posted on 10/16/2024
Not that it was ever exceptionally strong to begin with, but I feel I have lost my hold on reality.
I could have sworn that Donald Trump prematurely ended his town hall (I use the term loosely, because that implies a forum where questions are asked and answered, which this really was not) and instead forced the crowd to stand there while he swayed along to his rally playlist. But it is equally possible that I am hallucinating and my brain is just trying to make me realize that my body is being dissected by aliens in a laboratory.
Imagine, by comparison, the audience’s response if Taylor Swift stopped an Eras Tour concert early and decided to play her favorite political speeches instead while she remained onstage, occasionally mouthing along with the words (“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself”) and the audience tried to decide whether this was a sign that their idol had finally cracked.
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All this began because two rally attendees required medical attention, and while that happened, the crowd began to sing “God Bless America.” Trump suggested “Ave Maria” instead. This is where I will begin my review of all the songs he kind of performed to:
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11) “Ave Maria,” But The Weird One That Played By Mistake
Soothing, rock-a-bye-baby nonsense. Trump is bothered by this selection and asks his team to provide the one with vocals by Luciano Pavarotti.
10) “Ave Maria” Again, But By Pavarotti
Trump seems bolstered. Perhaps this is when the seeds of Silently Listening To The Playlist were sowed.
Do you ever want to give it all up and just stand onstage with your eyes shut, forcing everyone to listen to a playlist of your own devising? For my part, no. I know the effect my playlists have on people. Donald Trump has no such qualms. This is just one of myriad ways we are not the same.
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9) “Time To Say Goodbye,” by Sarah Brightman and Andrea Bocelli
The dancing here is minimal, but it is as much as we will be getting — a little conductor-esque arm-waving and a little swaying. This reminds me of the moment at the DNC in 2000 when they asked, “Do you want to see Al Gore do the macarena?” and then Al Gore did nothing, and then they asked, “Do you want to see it again?” That is the level we’re operating at here.
8) “It’s A Man’s Man’s Man’s World,” by James Brown
Nothing about this song says “I am a good song to play at a political rally,” but it is also an extremely on-the-nose choice for Trump. Never let it be said that he allowed any of the themes of his candidacy to languish in subtext! Trump does a little windshield-wiper hand gesture that seems intended to evoke dance, and then he taps rhythmically along on the back of a chair.
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It is suggested that he take more questions, but he decides it would be a better idea to play “Y.M.C.A.” and then let everyone go home. He does half of those things!
7) “Y.M.C.A.” by The Village People
Trump spends much of this song taking business cards and shaking hands with people, leaving South Dakota Gov. Kristi Noem (who has been onstage this whole time) trapped in the corner of purgatory reserved for Second Person Who Has Been Dragged Onstage To Duet A Karaoke Number She Is Not Passionate About.
He bops a bit. He does the Dance Arms again, and Noem takes this as encouragement to fully do the “Y.M.C.A.” letters, prompting Trump to look at her as though she has just devised these moves herself; he does not copy them.
Standing onstage with Donald Trump doing the “Y.M.C.A.” while he makes no move to join you! Of the many sublime humiliations reserved for Trump acolytes, I would have to put this way up there!
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“Nobody’s leaving!” Trump exclaims. It seems to be a descriptive statement, but it becomes a prescriptive one.
6) “Hallelujah,” by Rufus Wainwright
This song has everything. It was in the movie “Shrek.” I can play it on the piano because I own the Shrek Soundtrack Piano Songbook — just one of those little tells that lets you know how cool I was in high school. Noem tries to wave along to it, but Trump is unmoved.
5) “Nothing Compares 2 U,” by Sinéad O’Connor
Too little dancing, which is saying something for a Sinéad O’Connor song. Mostly, Trump just stands there, lost in the music. At one point, he does do the windshield-wiper hands, and Noem does likewise; he stops, and she quickly stops. This is having the unexpected impact of making me feel pity for Kristi Noem.
4) A Civil War medley by Elvis?!
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Why is Donald Trump bopping along to Elvis Presley singing “Dixieland”?! Why are we playing the Confederate theme song at all? Just in time for us to ask these questions but not in time for us to answer any of them, Elvis switches to “The Battle Hymn of the Republic”? Symbolizing post-Civil War unity?
It is a confusing medley in a confusing world, but perhaps the audience can take solace in the enormous slogan that has been the backdrop this entire time but that I just haven’t yet managed to mention. It says, “TRUMP WAS RIGHT ABOUT EVERYTHING.”
3) “Rich Men North of Richmond,” by Oliver Anthony
Trump does not seem especially passionate about this song, and I do not blame him. It is a bizarre hodgepodge of serious economic complaints and fatphobic, dog-whistle rants about “the obese hogging welfare.”
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2) “November Rain,” by Guns N’ Roses
Trump shuts his eyes at one point during this. This is one of those songs that seems to go on for much longer than it actually does, but it is not a bad song. It is better, at least, than Stephen Miller displaying photos of people he claims are immigrant gang members and asking the audience to boo.
1) “Memory” from the musical “Cats”
By this point, Trump is making his exit. He spends this song working his way through the crowd with his security. But I am struck by the fact that this is not some cover of “Memory”; this is full-on Broadway, with the voice of Munkustrap telling us that this is when Old Deuteronomy announces the cat who will now be reborn and come back to a different Jellicle life. We are deep in Jellicle lore.
Fitting, really, after an extremely “Cats” evening — a series of songs not connected by anything resembling human logic, seemingly intended for people in the 1980s with access to controlled substances you lack, with the expectation that you just sit there and hum along. Is this really our Jellicle choice?
I could have sworn that Donald Trump prematurely ended his town hall (I use the term loosely, because that implies a forum where questions are asked and answered, which this really was not) and instead forced the crowd to stand there while he swayed along to his rally playlist. But it is equally possible that I am hallucinating and my brain is just trying to make me realize that my body is being dissected by aliens in a laboratory.
Imagine, by comparison, the audience’s response if Taylor Swift stopped an Eras Tour concert early and decided to play her favorite political speeches instead while she remained onstage, occasionally mouthing along with the words (“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself”) and the audience tried to decide whether this was a sign that their idol had finally cracked.
Advertisement
All this began because two rally attendees required medical attention, and while that happened, the crowd began to sing “God Bless America.” Trump suggested “Ave Maria” instead. This is where I will begin my review of all the songs he kind of performed to:
Follow Alexandra Petri
11) “Ave Maria,” But The Weird One That Played By Mistake
Soothing, rock-a-bye-baby nonsense. Trump is bothered by this selection and asks his team to provide the one with vocals by Luciano Pavarotti.
10) “Ave Maria” Again, But By Pavarotti
Trump seems bolstered. Perhaps this is when the seeds of Silently Listening To The Playlist were sowed.
Do you ever want to give it all up and just stand onstage with your eyes shut, forcing everyone to listen to a playlist of your own devising? For my part, no. I know the effect my playlists have on people. Donald Trump has no such qualms. This is just one of myriad ways we are not the same.
Advertisement
9) “Time To Say Goodbye,” by Sarah Brightman and Andrea Bocelli
The dancing here is minimal, but it is as much as we will be getting — a little conductor-esque arm-waving and a little swaying. This reminds me of the moment at the DNC in 2000 when they asked, “Do you want to see Al Gore do the macarena?” and then Al Gore did nothing, and then they asked, “Do you want to see it again?” That is the level we’re operating at here.
8) “It’s A Man’s Man’s Man’s World,” by James Brown
Nothing about this song says “I am a good song to play at a political rally,” but it is also an extremely on-the-nose choice for Trump. Never let it be said that he allowed any of the themes of his candidacy to languish in subtext! Trump does a little windshield-wiper hand gesture that seems intended to evoke dance, and then he taps rhythmically along on the back of a chair.
Advertisement
It is suggested that he take more questions, but he decides it would be a better idea to play “Y.M.C.A.” and then let everyone go home. He does half of those things!
7) “Y.M.C.A.” by The Village People
Trump spends much of this song taking business cards and shaking hands with people, leaving South Dakota Gov. Kristi Noem (who has been onstage this whole time) trapped in the corner of purgatory reserved for Second Person Who Has Been Dragged Onstage To Duet A Karaoke Number She Is Not Passionate About.
He bops a bit. He does the Dance Arms again, and Noem takes this as encouragement to fully do the “Y.M.C.A.” letters, prompting Trump to look at her as though she has just devised these moves herself; he does not copy them.
Standing onstage with Donald Trump doing the “Y.M.C.A.” while he makes no move to join you! Of the many sublime humiliations reserved for Trump acolytes, I would have to put this way up there!
Advertisement
“Nobody’s leaving!” Trump exclaims. It seems to be a descriptive statement, but it becomes a prescriptive one.
6) “Hallelujah,” by Rufus Wainwright
This song has everything. It was in the movie “Shrek.” I can play it on the piano because I own the Shrek Soundtrack Piano Songbook — just one of those little tells that lets you know how cool I was in high school. Noem tries to wave along to it, but Trump is unmoved.
5) “Nothing Compares 2 U,” by Sinéad O’Connor
Too little dancing, which is saying something for a Sinéad O’Connor song. Mostly, Trump just stands there, lost in the music. At one point, he does do the windshield-wiper hands, and Noem does likewise; he stops, and she quickly stops. This is having the unexpected impact of making me feel pity for Kristi Noem.
4) A Civil War medley by Elvis?!
Advertisement
Why is Donald Trump bopping along to Elvis Presley singing “Dixieland”?! Why are we playing the Confederate theme song at all? Just in time for us to ask these questions but not in time for us to answer any of them, Elvis switches to “The Battle Hymn of the Republic”? Symbolizing post-Civil War unity?
It is a confusing medley in a confusing world, but perhaps the audience can take solace in the enormous slogan that has been the backdrop this entire time but that I just haven’t yet managed to mention. It says, “TRUMP WAS RIGHT ABOUT EVERYTHING.”
3) “Rich Men North of Richmond,” by Oliver Anthony
Trump does not seem especially passionate about this song, and I do not blame him. It is a bizarre hodgepodge of serious economic complaints and fatphobic, dog-whistle rants about “the obese hogging welfare.”
Advertisement
2) “November Rain,” by Guns N’ Roses
Trump shuts his eyes at one point during this. This is one of those songs that seems to go on for much longer than it actually does, but it is not a bad song. It is better, at least, than Stephen Miller displaying photos of people he claims are immigrant gang members and asking the audience to boo.
1) “Memory” from the musical “Cats”
By this point, Trump is making his exit. He spends this song working his way through the crowd with his security. But I am struck by the fact that this is not some cover of “Memory”; this is full-on Broadway, with the voice of Munkustrap telling us that this is when Old Deuteronomy announces the cat who will now be reborn and come back to a different Jellicle life. We are deep in Jellicle lore.
Fitting, really, after an extremely “Cats” evening — a series of songs not connected by anything resembling human logic, seemingly intended for people in the 1980s with access to controlled substances you lack, with the expectation that you just sit there and hum along. Is this really our Jellicle choice?
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