“Trump, of course, is blaming Kamala Harris and President Biden for this. He said, ‘Their rhetoric is causing me to be shot at when I am the one who is going to save the country, and they are the ones that are destroying the country. They use highly inflammatory language. I can use it too, far better than they can, but I don’t.’ Right, you are nothing if not a calming influence.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“This is a man who, for the past week, has been spreading a complete lie that he knows is a lie, saying Haitian immigrants are eating pets in Springfield, Ohio. This is a man who, just last week, joked about Nancy Pelosi’s 84-year-old husband being brutally attacked with a hammer by one of his deranged fans. This is a man who, literally hours before this happened, posted on Truth Social the words ‘I hate Taylor Swift.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“During a new interview, JD Vance admitted that he created the false claim about immigrants eating pets to create media attention. Yeah, Trump was like, ‘Everyone knows the first rule of fake news is not admitting to fake news.’” — JIMMY FALLON

“Oh, I see. Do you get it yet? The only way to expose the truth is to spread a lie. It’s the power of storytelling.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“Yep, Vance admitted that he made the whole thing up, but besides being overtly racist and making Trump look like a total fool at the debate, no harm done, right?” — JIMMY FALLON